and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
