return my video game
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
