i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
