I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
