The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
