Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
