lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you win again, gameday.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
