i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
