Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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