i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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