he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
