I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
