he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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