So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
