I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
