I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
