So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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