so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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