I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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