SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
