Please, let me fuck your mom
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
