She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
