Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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