Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
