if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
