brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just cropdusted the office
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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