he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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