if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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