do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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