What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
