she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
