I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
