Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
