think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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