You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
