Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
