aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
