just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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