Old men and throwing up are my life now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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