those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
