I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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