Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize