Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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