id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
