dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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