Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
