One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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