All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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