DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
