Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We left the knife in your bed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
