she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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