You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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