I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
