Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize