there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
