At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
