Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
