ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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