Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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