my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
