We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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