my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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