Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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