we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
