I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
