with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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