A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
