I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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