when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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