Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
