How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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