Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
